My Baby's Going To Jail For Christmas ~ Tales from the Turkey Table

One of the chapters in Tales from the Turkey Table by Bill Allman explains the origins of the song My Baby's Going to Jail For Christmas.

We made a quirky video for fun.

Here are the lyrics:

(prelude)
Well, you went out one night in October,
With a gun, and an old pair of my stockings.
And you held up a convenience store.
Then the po-lice came a knocking.

(chorus)
We’ll be wassailing in the snow,
Hanging ‘neath, the mistletoe,
‘Cuz my baby’s going to jail for Christmas.
We’ll be drinkin’ all night long.
Singing all those Christmas songs.
And we’re happy that he won’t be with us.

(verse)
Did you think, when you went inside
Who would keep you warm on Christmas Eve?
When you feel cold feet in your bunk at night.
Baby, you know it’s your cellmate Steve.

(chorus)
We’ll be wassailing in the snow,
Hanging ‘neath, the mistletoe,
‘Cuz my baby’s going to jail for Christmas.
We’ll be drinkin’ all night long.
Singing all those Christmas songs.
And we’re happy that he won’t be with us.

(verse)
Ever think that you’d ask old Santy Claus,
For a prison tattoo and a great big carton of smokes?
Well your brother dropped by and he told me to ask.
Honey, what’s it like when you drop the soap?

(chorus)
We’ll be wassailing in the snow,
Hanging ‘neath, the mistletoe,
‘Cuz my baby’s going to jail for Christmas.
We’ll be drinkin’ all night long.
Singing all those Christmas songs.
And we’re happy that he won’t be with us.

(spoken)
Dear baby, Merry Christmas from jail. I’ve been punching out license plates, and waitin’ on your mail.
And if you want that conjugal trailer to be a rockin’,
Could you put a shiv, in my stockin’?

(chorus)
We’ll be wassailing in the snow,
Hanging ‘neath, the mistletoe,
‘Cuz my baby’s going to jail for Christmas.
We’ll be drinkin’ all night long.
Singing all those Christmas songs.
And we’re happy that he won’t be with us.

(spoken)
Uhhhh… wait a minute, what’s “wassailing”?
And why is my brother there?
More often than not, there’s room for one more at the turkey table in here.
They’ve locked me so far away, they’re gonna have to feed me my Christmas dinner with a slingshot.
Next year, when I get out, I swear.

I’m gonna ruin Christmas.

Preview and purchase Tales from the Turkey Table at http://talesfromtheturkeytable.com/

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